L.

letter to myself,
BECOME YOURSELF...

Become who you are.
We are what we have become.
If someone has not seen you for a long time, they sometimes say: you are still the same. Outwardly (if we're lucky) we may not have changed much, but inwardly it's something else...
Throughout our life, our life course, we come into contact with pleasant and less pleasant events and encounters.
I chose last year to discover who I really am.
I've already encountered myself seriously and it's not always nice and downright confrontational.
Taking care of yourself isn't easy, if only it were that simple...
You question yourself and also your relationships with others.
Has your partner changed?
You discover that you have changed.

After our daughter told us what happened to her during her childhood, nothing is taken for granted, simple. Certainly not for her, but not for us parents either.
Not for myself as a woman either, sex has always been a problem for me too.
By getting tantra massage, I also experienced the pleasure of intimate touch.
In the past I had or got the feeling that I couldn't feel or give pleasure to my partner.
I now realize how nice it could be if I could communicate with my partner there. Not that I haven't tried that before...

After the last session I got the feeling that I did hold back a lot of tears, I held them back because I hadn't cried in years.
And then last night they were there, I was alone and for no reason I started to cry.
I didn't know why I was crying at first, and there was no relief just deep sadness and heartache and loneliness.
It was not my grief but the grief of others, I am a sponge and take on a lot of grief from others.
Hopefully my grief will also come to pass.

I just wanted to share this.