K.

A year after a difficult breakup, I ended up with Christophe because I just couldn't find myself again and let go of the pain and sadness. Too much given and too much cared for, worn someone else's backpack for years.
At first it was awkward and difficult to relax, I was focused on everything around me and was completely in my head. Once the massage continued on the front of the body (chest/heart), my head finally stopped for a moment and my heart could speak. With Christophe I found a safe place to collapse as the waves of sadness continued to rise.
Emotions that I didn't know needed to be processed came to the surface. I discovered that I have not been kind to myself and have gone against my heart for years. That unlike the safe place here, I don't feel safe with myself because I keep letting myself go beyond my limits without respect for my own feelings and needs.
In the meantime we are already 6 sessions further and every time there are new insights, puzzle pieces fall into place again. No longer crawling back into the victim role, but using the dark parts in myself to find my way to myself. Layer by layer, the sadness that is stuck in my body is released, with moments intense and intense, but so necessary. It gradually brings me to my true self that is so deeply buried, ignored and neglected.
During the massages I have the feeling that I don't have to answer for anything, that everything can and may be there for a while, that I'm safe. And although I don't feel as safe anywhere as here, the blockades are still there for the time being. Once the emotions become too overwhelming, I shoot away in my old survival mechanism, I can no longer perceive anything, I have completely lost the connection with myself, the feeling of being literally disconnected from my body.
Despite the road still to be covered, every session I manage to stay close to myself a little longer, to feel, to go to a place within myself where I feel the energy and warmth flowing from head to toe and where there is no inner struggle.