Abuse within tantra massage

Recently I had a new client come to me who had been abused by a tantra masseur in Flanders a few months earlier. It was the first time for me to hear someone's story directly as a victim in this way. Many clients who opt for tantra massage often have problems setting boundaries for themselves and easily fall into a pattern of pleasing. This client was someone who struggled with this and in my opinion the tantra masseur in question exploited this to the fullest and went way over the line in this way.

When she initially told her story, I was amazed by the fact that she dared to choose tantra massage again with a new (male) masseur. She described that she knew and was convinced that tantra massage can be a very beautiful experience and this prompted her to continue her search for it. During our conversation she told me how during the facts at that moment she disconnected from herself (dissociation) and hoped that it would be over quickly and that he would not ejaculate in her. It was only when he told her that the session was over that she came back to reality.

By talking to her further, I learned that she had told her story during a tantra workshop and that the organizer of the workshop also knew someone who had had a negative experience with this same tantra masseur. This other victim was someone who also gives tantra massages. Fortunately, she had indicated her boundaries in time, which meant that it did not escalate further. Because the client mentioned her name and the location of her practice, I suddenly realized that it was about a colleague I know. Then the memory came back to me that she had indeed once told me that she had had a negative experience when she had been a client of the perpetrator in question. This concerns someone she even knows quite well. She did not take any further action at the time because in the end nothing happened.

Under the influence/pressure of a few friends to whom my client had told about the incident, she eventually decided to file a complaint against this tantra masseur. Since the facts are still very recent, it remains to be seen how this case will develop further. The chance is real that there will be no concrete consequences or punishment of course, since hard evidence is lacking. It can wake up the perpetrator to take action and start working on himself and his problems. In the meantime, we know with some colleagues who it is about and it is not excluded that a dialogue and/or some kind of intervention will be set up.

It is unfortunate that such incidents happen, but of course it is not the first and I fear it will not be the last time. Some points of attention and tips that I would like to share with you and that can help you when choosing for tantra massage:

• If you are open to a woman who gives you a tantra massage, choose this the first time. You can ask her after the session if she has any male colleagues that she can recommend and trust.
• Ask other women at spiritual events or via social media (e.g. certain tantra FB groups) if they have experience with tantra massage and who they can recommend.
• If word of mouth is not an option, read the website, profile and testimonials thoroughly so that you get a better idea of ​​who the masseur is and how his clients experience the sessions.
• Choose a male masseur who remains dressed during the session. I do not want to criticize reliable colleagues who give the session naked, but a female client will generally feel more at ease and can go deeper into relaxation and surrender if the giver is not naked. If there is nothing about this on the site or the profile of the masseur, ask for more information about it!
• First ask for a telephone contact or video call with the masseur. This is much more personal and you will feel easier and faster whether the masseur can be trusted.