Tantra / yoni massage testimonial

You might wonder why this isn't just listed with the other testimonials? Well, this customer is someone for whom the tantra massage has made a very deep impact and who also loves to write, making the testimonial a whole story. So I thought it would be appropriate and practical to add this as a blog article. From now on I'll let S. do the talking!

It is with much love and gratitude that I write this testimony...

A quarter past four, when the first birds wake me from my sleep and I stretch like an accomplished ballerina in my bed. I giggle at the thought, because in terms of body shape I am anything but a ballerina... And elegance is not exactly my strong suit. But I have other qualities, I immediately console myself.
Today the time has come, it flashes through my mind, while a tickle passes through my entire body. Was this due to nerves, I immediately wondered afterwards, or did I secretly find it a bit exciting...

I have been working on this journey for quite some time now, too long in my opinion... Where I would normally jump straight into the sea, I first needed to check the temperature of the water. Reading, re-reading, research... Let everything go and then start browsing the site again. Until last week I had enough of paddling and took the plunge to email Christophe.
I quickly received a message back, I immediately noticed that the water is warm and I can jump safely. After some emails back and forth with questions and answers, an appointment was made. It was really going to happen now. After making the appointment, I decided to let everything go and let it happen. We'll see what it brings, what comes next, just stay close to myself and trust the choice I just made.

But now back to today, where the jitters had taken over my being... A hot shower that was far too long washed everything away...
I consciously enjoyed the rays that hit my body, that body that would soon allow strange hands to enter, that body that does not know how to deal with it, and that is normally afraid of every strange man on the street... that body with a hundred thousand antennae, and a head that constantly dances the lambada... It will be something, I laugh away my worries. I try to be aware of my day and what I do throughout the morning... After the shower I treat myself to a delicious cup of coffee, the sliding door flies open, and the dog discovers the garden like a frisky foal. The morning passes me by, hour after hour, minute after minute... After which the clock strikes 1 p.m. and I remind myself that I have to speed up if I want to get to my appointment on time.

The ride seems to take hours, while the GPS really only indicates half an hour. It is the tension on my brakes that makes time seem to stand still. But I get there... even a bit surprised that I found it so quickly, I park like an accomplished rally pilot in the far too small parking space... I think a rightful pat on the back is in order here.
Once in the hallway, with my finger on the bell, my nerves kick in, my stomach goes into knots and my finger tremblingly presses the button that separates me from what is about to happen. I hear the click of the door, and I make my way uncertainly, step by step. The door opens, a warm good afternoon and a radiant smile greet me, immediately breaking the ice. There is only warmth and peace when I enter the room. I feel the tension slipping from my shoulders, making way for openness and trust. We start the session with a conversation, a conversation that floats between us, that finds its place and space to land, in all softness... I feel how the words flow. I, the most closed person in West Flanders... hear myself bringing all kinds of things, it feels like letting air out of an overcrowded balloon... Air that urgently needed to escape, and is now finally finding its way. I don't feel the urge, nor the need to explore or shut down, no, everything feels so familiar... Exactly as if we had been talking for hours before.

But of course talking alone won't get us there... The session starts with the space and time to change clothes in peace. I wrap myself in a towel and go to space. I am allowed to take a seat on the mat... After which the session starts with so much respect. I feel my overcrowded head hitting the mat, my body hitting the mat, and Christophe's hands touching my soul. Soft and safe, so that all my radars that otherwise always scan for danger, go into rest mode for the first time in my life... There is only silence, there is only here and now... Me, Christophe and the mat. .. The world seems to stand still for a moment... No trace of a rat race, no trace of having to... Today I can enjoy myself with all my being... Today I feel like a real woman for the first time. Today I feel for the first time, I am not a victim, I am so much more than the scars carved on my soul... Scars that Christophe lovingly embraces and cares for. I feel how the little girl inside me is embraced, how she is rocked in the movements, all the pain, all the sadness in me is embraced with every warm movement over my body... For a moment I even feel the need to move into a fetal position lying down... But I can't get any further than moving an arm... Particle after particle, my body receives care, my soul receives care... And I enjoy with a capital G, I enjoy with every fiber of my being.

I feel how my body sways with the massage, how the skin hunger that had built up in recent years disappears like snow in the sun... There is no shame, while otherwise I would crawl into a mole hole if I were to stand naked in front of someone... I, who am so insecure about my body, now lie there completely carefree in those safe hands, which take me on a journey to myself. A journey of discovery, where I am taken to places that I did not know myself, feelings that I have never felt before... I am a woman, I feel like a woman, I would like to say as I type here... A tear of gratitude rolls down my cheek. Hits my throat and then slides gently down my chest. Everything seems to happen so naturally, from one flow to the next. I open myself to the hands that heal me, that touch me in my most hurt and tormented place. It feels like a band-aid is being placed, listening with attention and love to what the place has to say... fingers feeling how loudly it screams for touch, for feeling, and for the energy to flow for the first time. .. I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of what I feel... But I move along, move along with how my body moves, with the softness and power of the energy...

The session comes to an end, time seems to have stood still and flown by at the same time. I wish it had lasted forever... Those hands, on that body of mine, which was in such need of attention, love and healing from those far too deeply rooted traumas. The session ends so warmly, so lovingly, so that I can recover from what the past few hours have just brought me in a daze. I try to get up somewhat shakily... Much too fast, which makes my body struggle to find balance, but this is also absorbed and carried. And then it happens, in stocking feet the little girl in me steps forward, she asks to be heard and seen, she suddenly seems so beautiful, so sweet, tears form in her eyes, tears of gratitude that she was seen. "Do you want a hug?" I suddenly hear. My head disappears on his shoulder, my body rests against his, after which I break for a moment, just letting all the accumulated sadness flow free. It feels so liberating, such a relief... all the broken pieces are being brought together, and for the first time I feel truly loved.

We end the session with a chat, a chat that could have lasted forever... I didn't feel like an alien for once, everything could be said, and was received with care.
I left home with a heart full of gratitude, hoping that one day I will be able to give myself this gift again... Because today, this was the most beautiful thing I have ever been able to give myself. I now crawl into bed with the heart of a winner... Proud of myself, and that little girl inside me!

...

Every word I wrote, I mean more than sincerely, comes from the purest part of my being.
I am so incredibly grateful for yesterday! I was so scared, so so scared, that I would never be able to enjoy a touch...
That I would never be able to experience a nice feeling in my yoni... Afraid of being eternally doomed in the giving role, forever being a victim of my past... Afraid of having to live forever with that little flame inside me that was not stirred up... A silent longing that had been forced into oblivion. Afraid that it wasn't allowed, wasn't right...

Yesterday during the yoni massage I noticed that I was fighting in my head against the nice feeling. I didn't know how to deal with it, to allow it, afraid of being punished... Eventually I managed to allow the nice feeling and sway with the movement of my energy... But when it became too nice, I found myself seeking the safety of my head and leaving my body. A process that I can one day continue, Rome was not built in 1 day! And I'm already so happy with how much I was able to admit yesterday! I would never, ever have dared to dream this.

It affected me so much that someone touched me lovingly and softly for the first time, no hands that hurt, not feeling like a used object.
Thank you for making me a little more human and letting me experience that I too have the right to receive!